cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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