Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
