a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
