All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
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