I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
We're too hungover to prance.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Randomize
