No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
