What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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