Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
