i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
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