I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
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