Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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