cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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