hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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