You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
