My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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