Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
