yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
