I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
