Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
