Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
