Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
