Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
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