i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
it glows. i had to have it.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
