Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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