Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
