i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
