i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
