If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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