just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
