well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
