I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
