I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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