i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I need to align my fucking chakras
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
