allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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