Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
