be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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