I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
