You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
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The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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