It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
