So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I just want nice things and good sex
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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