why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
