need another drink. this is the easiest way
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
