i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
