You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
