Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
