who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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