So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
