My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
