Nicole vs. Life
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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