is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I want a musical about memes.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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