Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
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