There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Swine flu. Run for my life!
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
