Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize