I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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