Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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