I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Such a big mess for such a small penis
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
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