I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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