Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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