One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
