I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I will be naked everywhere
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
